My Dreams, for the last month

Posted by mouthyb | Posted in , , | Posted on 3:09 PM


If you've been paying attention to politics at all, you know that the Republican party is trying to kill women in droves: illegal and unsafe abortions are on the rise.

I'm often told by people, on the subject, that sure, it's angering, but what can anyone do? They urge me to distance myself from politics, tell me that it doesn't have a direct effect on me, anyway.

It has an effect on me when I'm awake, of course. As a vagina-American, policies restricting access to OB/GYN services and birth control effect me intimately. Every time I hear about another attempt to restrict medical services to women, I think about all the times I've stood in for medical access for my friends, who couldn't afford a doctor. I think about all the times my google-fu has been the best access people I know have. I think about picking glass, stones and thorns out of people, about bandaging gashes, supergluing people back together, trying to lower fevers and find the source of infection, and trying to figure out what to do with a first aid class in the fourth grade and whatever I can find around the house. I think about providing pressure, about trying to keep people who have OD awake, to find a ride to the hospital for them so they don't die.

I fill in the blanks when people shrug off the effect of no health insurance or access to care with faces.

When I sleep, my dreams are similar: I am crawling through tight, wet stone tunnels in the absolute dark. We are trapped, the women and children and I, underneath the house of the men, men making decisions while we crawl through the only spaces we are permitted, unless called upstairs. We live down there, in the suffocating dark, listening to the muffled sound of their voices and their footsteps so far above us, conducted through the tunnels like the tread of gods, above us.

In other dreams, I'm writing on the walls which get erased as soon as I turn around. I'm trying to write names, people I've known, and their names keep disappearing.

This story reminds me of that process.

It's amazing how invasive the effects of those policies are.

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