Post-Threesome Dynamics

Posted by mouthyb | Posted in , | Posted on 2:06 PM

0

The morning after group sex can get weird. For me, at least, it hasn't been weird in a long time, but I've had more practice at being around that kind of thing. Many women have, at some point in their lives, been exposed to the idea that their sexuality should be more flexible, that along with the power we're told to pursue, being desirable, a weapon in our arsenals is sex with other women. After all, the most public description of relations between the genders is that of a war.

You'd have to try really hard not to notice the hints or straight-up footage of women making out which is a part of advertisements, part of movies and TV shows, part of porn aimed at straight men. Now, these media don't do anything right in terms of being realistic or not making women accessories to male sexuality, but the idea is out there: threesomes are okay if it's two women, preferably hot blonde twins, to service one man.

Other kinds of threesomes, unless all women, are the fodder for gay jokes, still a potent insult to male sexuality in mainstream society.

I have a certain amount of compassion for men in threesomes, assuming they are two of the three persons. It must feel like running off the edge of the world: even if they don't touch each other, the potential remains. They must have to fight against trying to assert dominance over each other (not the fun kind), fears of being seen as less than men in the most intimate of arenas. After all, they've been told their whole lives that managing a woman successfully makes one a man.

Last night, after the action, as it were, the mood in the room started to be tense. To be clear, our friend knew up front what was coming, had discussed it with my partner. There were no surprises to be had, in that sense.

I have some compassion with the tensions running through the two men in the room. My partner put on what I like to think of as his 'game face,' tense, slightly angry, brisk. There was good reason for it. I have a small bed, too small to sleep three, and it was roughly three am. He had already said he didn't want to be displaced, but our friend was in no shape to drive. When I offered to sleep in the living room, to give them both the bed, he was not having it. He was offended, he said, partially because sleeping in a bed with me was 'his'.

Our friend tensed, and then seemed gently sad. I curled up around him and tried to be comforting. In the morning, I woke with my partner. At some time while I was asleep, our friend had left.

Threesomes, in my experience, are considerably difficult for men. I wish I could somehow make that tension disappear, but I cannot. All I can do is keep checking in, trying to figure out how to negotiate the tension.
          __________________________________________________________________

Edited to remove accidental comparison.

Comments (0)

Post a Comment